and then you ’ ll kill me .” “ Sell me your Sportster ,” I said . “ Sure . What will you give me ?” “ That Shovelhead right there . It ’ s yours .” “ As is ?” “ As is .” “ No .” “ Prick .” So we sat down in the dirt by the side of the road . Cars went by . No-one stopped . We looked very menacing so I don ’ t blame them . And as the sun hit the western horizon , it came to me . We had a few tools , basically shifters , spanners , screwdrivers , pliers , and a hammer . We had knives . We had whiskey , but we were running out of durries , so our need was soon to become dire rather than merely desperate . I stood up and declared my intention . “ We are going to fill my tyre with grass . And when it is full of grass , we shall ride slowly to Shitsville , and then we can make phone calls , order tyres , and get this sorted .” To his eternal credit , Mark nodded , whipped out his knife and started harvesting the dry yellow grass that grows everywhere in the world . I went and hauled the valve out of the tyre

with a pair of pliers , and in short order we began stuffing the holed Avon with grass . As you can imagine , this was not a quick process . You could only poke so much grass at a time into the valve hole with a screwdriver . Then there was the fact that neither Mark or I had any idea how much grass was enough . So we just kept poking it in . There was a lot of it around . About three hours later I deemed it enough . It was almost 10pm . There was either enough grass in the tyre , or there wasn ’ t . I could always add more . Like I said , there was tonnes of it around . We set off with great trepidation . And you know what ? It worked . Sort of . I could manage a wobbly and weird-feeling 30-40km / h , which feels like walking-pace at first , but you get used to it . And it was the only solution . I considered the problem solved when we rolled into Ouyen near on midnight , and then rolled our sleeping bags out under the awning of the Hotel Victoria . Needs must , I guess .

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