People have told me , when I have asked why they ride them , that it is ‘ fun ’. They are lying . Buzzing along at truck-axle height on a clown ’ s motorised sight-gag cannot , on any planet , be fun . The Vietnamese communists in Hanoi do not ride these things for fun . They ride them because their socio-economic circumstances deny them the dignity of riding proper motorcycles . The Indonesian land-grabbers are not at all amused having to thread their Groms through the terrifying streets of Jakarta , but it ’ s not like any of them can afford to commute on a Harley . Then there is the ‘ cute ’ argument . ‘ Cute ’ is a pretty girl in a bikini riding her scooter to the beach . A grown man idling through traffic on a Z125 Pro is not cute . Not even if he does his nails and waxes his legs . The people who are smiling at him are smiling at him the same way they smile at malnourished bears dancing in Romanian villages while gypsies beat them with whips – with pity and helplessness . It ’ s the same way I smile at those bearded women who ride Deus Ex Machina stuff . So , it ’ s not cute and it ’ s not fun .
But ... is it cool ? Shut up . Do you think a square-wheeled pushbike being pedalled through a village fair by a bloke with a big red nose is cool ? Cool is a lot of things to a lot of people , and motorcycles are , on general principles , cool ( unless you fit a top-box to them or belong to HOG or Ulysses ), but we must remember that neither the Grom or the Pro are real motorcycles . It ’ s like a Chihuahua is not a real dog . It ’ s just a shrunken , misshapen , approximation of a dog some tequila-sodden Mexican drug-baron had bred because his crazy teenage wife might enjoy carrying it in her handbag when she was out shopping for stolen American jewellery . So , by all means buy one . Or three . Invite your mates over and race them around your suburb late at night , high on meth , and bathed in the light of the Supermoon . But don ’ t ever pretend they are anything other than silly gimmicks best ridden by trained monkeys in some foreign circus .
Want to read more from Boris ? Click here to go to www . borismihailovic . com
Great accommodation for “ motorcyclists on an adventure ” in Aotearoa , New Zealand
Great accommodation for “ motorcyclists on an adventure ” in Aotearoa , New Zealand
Follow Us : @ nzridersrest Ph : + 64 21 474 889 E : info @ ridersrest . co . nz www . ridersrest . co . nz
Follow Us : @ nzridersrest Ph : + 64 21 474 889 E : info @ ridersrest . co . nz www . ridersrest . co . nz
Bream Bay • Taupo Bay • Whangarei Bream Bay • Taupo Bay • Whangarei