Let ’ s just speak briefly about the whole Ride Mode paradigm , and then never mention it again . So many of you ageing chieftains – and that ’ s an entirely fair statement given no-one under the age of 30 is even reading this – are doubtlessly enamoured of the whole Ride Mode button thingo . Yes , that ’ s the one where when you press it , your bike ’ s computer changes the engine mapping and your bike feels different . Most bikes have three modes , but lots have an extra two which you can program almost like you have the vaguest clue about what you ’ re doing . All my friends ride . I don ’ t even know people who don ’ t ride . And many of them have highend bikes with all the technological wonders such ownership entails . And do you know what ? Not one of them , not ever , not on any of the many rides we ’ ve been on , has ever held up his hand and brought us all to a halt , and said : “ Hang on a sec ! I ’ m just gonna change engine modes because it ’ s raining / the surface has changed / I ’ ve had an aneurism ”. Do you know why none of them has ever done it ? No , it ’ s not because the tech is so good these days you can do this on the fly on most bikes . It ’ s because they are not strobbing wankers with a burning desire to be kicked to death . Everyone I know who has a bike that has these changeable engine modes finds one they like , and that ’ s where the bike stays – rain , dirt , or aneurism . Not one of them is sad , anal , or irritating enough to inflict Mode-changing on his mates . Surely even the biggest anoraks understand this whole changeable engine map thing is a gimmick ? Sure , it ’ s a great way of making 200 horsepower manageable by a muppet with the riding skills of a goat , but once said muppet has found a workable map , it ’ s job done . Ride on . I am a great and true believer in many of the modern rider aids . I think ABS is one of the greatest things ever invented , and it ’ s kept so many of us from the traction ward , despite what some of the more ridiculous dickheads attest on social media . Chief , you ’ re not going to outbrake ABS . You ’ re just not . So it ’ s a great and good thing . As is cornering ABS and to a lesser degree , traction control , though I could mount a solid argument in favour of not having that when there are girls watching . But the switchable engine modes ? Come on . It ’ s not as if you ’ re a high-end pro-racer so sensitive to the nuances of your power-delivery that you feel you have the wit to screw with it . Because you ’ re not , you know . So very , very few of us are . And as you might understand , the