Kiwi Rider March Vol.2 2023 | Page 91

driving with methamphetamine present in his system . “ Just wait until I explain to the judge that speed does not in any way impair riding or driving skills , and in fact tends to enhance them exponentially . Most of the world ’ s air force pilots are hopped up on methamphetamine when they fly into battle .” He ’ s right , of course . Speed is a bastard of a drug for all sorts of reasons , none of which have anything to do with you not riding well . You ’ ll probably never ride better or faster or with more precision that you would juiced up on goey . The problem occurs when you ’ ve been awake for three days , have chewed the inside of your mouth into bloody paste , and suddenly then decide it would be a good time to race your mate to the northern tip of New Zealand . Dope is likewise over-sold in terms of how it affects the way you ride . If you ’ re mildly stoned , it ’ s quite pleasant , and you tend to take it easy and cruise along buzzing nicely . You could pay more attention , but you ’ re not going all that quick . When you ’ re heavily stoned , and I mean Cheechand-Chong-baked , then you ’ ll either be too paranoid to ride , so you won ’ t , or you ’ ll idle along for a few hundred yards before stopping , freaking

out , and then looking for a packet of Tim Tams . Cocaine ? Well , I ’ ve never much enjoyed riding around on cocaine because there ’ s no-one to talk to , and all I wanna do is talk and dance and party like it ’ s 1999 on coke . And then get more coke . Personally , I ’ m more concerned about people smashed on prescription diazepam , barbiturates , beta-blockers , and assorted chemical cocktails their doctor ’ s given them , than I am about someone who ’ s had a smoke or a line . But the police don ’ t test for those drugs during a road-side drug-test . Just like they don ’ t test for heroin . Or morphine . Or Oxycontin . Or Endone . Funny that , huh ? Not only is there no way of measuring impairment for the drugs you ’ re not allowed to have in your body , they don ’ t even bother to test for the seriously brain-frying shit , which you are allowed to be whacked on . I ’ m afraid you ’ ll have to ask them why that is the case .

I struggle to even be civil to the jack-booted imbeciles these days .

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