stepped out or the front threatened to tuck . It must have been the tyre pressures / road surface / oil patch that did that , I would tell myself . By comparison with today ’ s tyres , it was like riding on bathroom tiles . But we certainly did not know any better in those mad and bad old days . We rode what we had and we told ourselves it was great , precisely because it was in so many ways . There was none of this mollycoddling Learner Approved Motorcycle bullshit . A teenage male went out and bought the most powerful motorcycle he could afford , or he neutered himself with scissors and became a teenage female . Is it any wonder that most of today ’ s L-platers and P-platers are nothing , but terrified , safety-obsessed fluff-bunnies ? The bikes they are given to ride are nice , friendly little toys . They don ’ t bite . They don ’ t bark . Hell , they don ’ t even growl . They don ’ t terrify you and thrill you to the core of your being when you take them for a blast . They just piddle along like little kittens and even girls can ride them . As I stood reverently before one of these ancient iron fiends at the club event , I felt like finding one of those screeching , self-empowered teen-
age she-knobs ( or her even more disgusting , respect-demanding quasi-male opposite ), and dragging them before one of these Old Dark Gods . “ Here ,” I would say , throwing the snivelling creature at the tyres of the monster . “ This is what you ’ re going to ride . Get on it . Start it . Ride it from Queenstown to Dunedin via every terrifying mountain pass and lake-hugging illegal racetrack you can find . You have 12 hours . Stop crying ( accompanied by a sharp five across the eyes ). If you live , you may call yourself a motorcyclist . If you die , you would have done us all a favour by removing yourself from the gene pool . If you are maimed , then think of the heroic tale you will be able to tell . All three outcomes are thus excellent . Understand I am doing this not only for your benefit , but for the good of the lifestyle as a whole . This is your chance to earn the respect you think you ’ re automatically entitled to . Yes , you may nod at other riders . Now piss off .” I was smiling as I walked off to buy myself a beer .
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